I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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