I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
