if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
