Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
