Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
