What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
