You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
