Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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