She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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