I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
