I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
