I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
