I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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