Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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