We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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