yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
