oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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