I am puke
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
