I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
