i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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