Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
