and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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