Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
