I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
