Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
