At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
