Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
