I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
