Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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