I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
