it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
