wanna go halves on a baby?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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