shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
