dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
