piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
