My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize