did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
