u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
