after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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