They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
