fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So. Much. Porn.
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