Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I need help removing her.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
