The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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