You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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