he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
