did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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