Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
