Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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