Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
