everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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