**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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