Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
