Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize