First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
