Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
