you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Found the puke drawer
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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