i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
