i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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