Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
