My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
