Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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