SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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