batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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