You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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