my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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