Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
