highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
