At least make sure they are 18
Why
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
