hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
