Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
