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Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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