apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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