the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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