just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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