I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
