You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
