you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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