Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
