I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
