he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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