Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
