so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
