everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Randomize
