i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
