some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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