I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
