true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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