just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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