Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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