Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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