Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
