im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
