i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
